Now that God is an atheist...
Well I...
I can finally sleep at night

Sometimes I just go into these empty ramblings in search of a point. I mean, I start off with one idea that pops into my head and then just ramble on with it as long as possible in hopes to find a point. But I’ve realized, I never do. It’s completely dissatisfying, everytime. I can talk myself in circles but I couldn’t ever hit the punch line.

But then I think, maybe that’s the whole point. Life is like a joke without a punch line. We’re bound to walk around aimlessly pretending we understand what we’re doing and why we’re doing it but really, we don’t. No one does. We set goals and if we ever reach them we bask in it... And then what? How can that ever be enough?

I don’t know... I’m confused. I need help... a shrink, or maybe excessive happy pills that limit my train of thought to "must make money!" like all the rest of the mindless drones of america... I’m getting close Uncle Sam. Another sheep to join your herd. I bet you’re excited. Or maybe, you just don’t care at all... What is one person to this society? I’m nothing but a sad teenager that is just realizing what it is to be a legalized adult. And still, nothing makes sense.

I have what I’d like to call the Quasimoto (sp?) Syndrome. A face no one is meant to love, a heart no one is meant to hold, and lips no one is meant to kiss. I think I’m just throwing off destiny by even considering to fall in love. It’s just not meant to be. I hope I can become like the girl in Sweet November. At least that way I come into people’s lives and change it for the better instead of destroying them.

We all can dream...

It’s so easy to hate the ones you love.
Loving without reciprocation can lead to it in an instant.
Hate takes as much passion and dedication that love does... Sometimes to the point where unexperienced minds confuse the two.
I find it humourous that I can logically state the differences between love and hate yet I always find myself lost in the mix.
Love and hate hurt to the point where they can become incurable diseases.
Never engulf yourself in one or the other because you will fall blindly and no one will be there to save you in the end.
I’m not the type to fall in and out of love... But I’m falling in once again and I hope this time I won’t hit rock bottom... Maybe this time, I’ll actually be caught.
I’ll always remember the words that scarred me for life from someone I once loved... "You’re just impossible to love."
I think when I heard that my heart literally stopped and my whole body went cold. I couldn’t breathe. But you know, I wouldn’t have changed that moment for the world. It worked out for the best. Isn’t it funny how well we can recall painful memories whereas happy ones just seem to fade into the bottomless abyss of our memories.
Even so, there are some happy memories that will never fade. And they stick with us for the rest of our lives but why is it that they’re never as influencial as the bad ones?

Sometimes I just get tired of talking, and then I just... Stop.

I got a job today. I work at the most glamourous Wally World (shoe department). The irony is like a slap in the face. But on the bright side... I have a steady income. Can’t complain there. One step closer to a new car.

(My cell phone went on a distant trip to Washington D.C. with my old man so I won’t be able to make calls to certain people I’ve been planning to call recently - Ryan, Sarah, Gary, Chris and Jess- I’m sorry!!)

If you still care at all-don't go tell me now
If you love me at all-don't call.

and I'm sure everyone reading this knows why.

for a moment i didn't need you.